Chapter 12: A continuation of the old woman’s adventures

Note: This chapter contains mentions of cannibalism. Viewer discretion is advised.

“Surprised and delighted to hear the language of my native country, and no less surprised by the words which the man had uttered, I responded that his was one of the greatest tragedies I’d ever heard; I told him a bit about the horrors which I’d endured, and collapsed once again in my weakness.  He took me to a neighboring house, put me to bed, gave me food, served me, consoled me, and flattered me, saying he’d never seen anything so beautiful as me, and that he couldn’t honestly regret the fact that there was nobody left to take me away.

“‘I was born in Naples,’ he told me, ‘where they castrate two to three thousand boys every year; some die, but the others acquire a voice more beautiful than that of any woman’s, and others go on to govern entire states¹. I emerged from the operation with great success, and became a musician in the chapel of my lady the Princess of Palestrina.”’

“‘Oh, to my mother!’,” I cried. 

“‘To your mother,’” he cried tearfully. “‘What! You’re the young princess who I raised until the age of six, who even then seemed likely to be as beautiful as you?’”

“‘Yes, it’s me,’ I said, ‘But my mother now lies four hundred yards away, cut into quarters and lying under a pile of corpses.’”

“I told him everything that had happened before he found me; he told me about his own adventures. I learned how he’d been sent to the King of Morocco by a Christian power, to help settle a treaty with the monarch which would furnish him with gunpowder, cannons, and mighty vessels, in order to exterminate the commercial empires of other Christians².

“‘My mission is complete,’ said the honest eunuch. ‘I’m going to Ceuta, and I can take you to Italy. Ma che sciagura d’essere senza coglioni!³’”

“I thanked him again with tears of gratitude, but instead of bringing me to Italy, he conducted me to Algeria, and sold me to the Dey⁴ in the center of the province. Just as I was being sold, a plague swept through all of Africa, Asia, and even Europe; it declared itself furiously throughout Algeria. You’ve seen earthquakes, but mademoiselle, have you ever seen plague?”

“Never,” replied Cunegonde.

“If you had,” said the old woman, “you would agree that it’s far more terrible than an earthquake. It’s quite common in Africa; indeed, I became sick with it. What a situation I was in! I was the daughter of the pope, only fifteen years old, and in three months of time I’d endured poverty, slavery, violations nearly every day, the awful sight of my mother’s death, hunger and war, and now I thought I would die as a plague-ridden corpse in Algeria! I did not die, though, but my eunuch, the Dey, and all Algeria perished.

“When the first ravages of this terrible pestilence had passed, the slaves of the Dey were sold. I was purchased by a merchant, and carried to Tunisia; he sold me to another merchant who took me to Tripoli; from Tripoli I was dragged to Alexandria, from Alexandria to Smyrna, and finally from Smyrna to Constantinople. I was then surrendered to an Aga of the janissaries, who was soon after put in command of defending the Sea of Azov against the Russians who were attacking it⁵.

“The Aga, who was a very gallant man, took me on the campaign, and we lodged in a small fort on the Palus Meotides, guarded by two black eunuchs and twenty soldiers. We killed the Russians in prodigious numbers, but they did the same to us. Azov was destroyed by fire, its inhabitants falling to the sword without regard for sex or age. Eventually, only our little fort remained, and our enemies wanted to starve us out of it. The twenty janissaries vowed never to surrender, but the extremities of hunger caused them to eventually eat our two eunuchs, for fear of violating their oath. A few days after this, they resolved to also eat the women.

“We had a very pious, humane, Iman, who preached to them an excellent sermon which persuaded them not to eat us after all.”

“‘Cut,’ he said, ‘only a buttock off these ladies, and you’ll be satisfied at least for a few days. Heaven will smile upon such a charitable act, and send you relief.’”

“It was with great elegance that he persuaded them, and we therefore underwent this horrible operation. The Iman applied the same balm on our wounds which was used for similar cutting operations in his home country; we all nearly died.

“The Janissaries had barely finished this snack we’d been forced to give them when the Russians arrived on flat-bottomed boats. None of our captors escaped, and the Russians paid no attention to the state we were in. However, there are French surgeons in all parts of the world; one of them, a very clever one, took care of us, and I’ll remember all my life how, when my wounds were well-bandaged, he made proposals to me. He consoled all of us, and assured us that such terrors happened often in times of war, and that we should be cheerful, for it was all a part of the rules of conflict.

“Once my companions could walk, we were forced on the road to Moscow; I became the slave of a Boyar⁶ who made me his gardener and gave me twenty whip lashes a day. However, this lord was two years later broken upon the wheel⁷ along with thirty other boyars for some transgression made at court, and I profited from this; I was freed, and travelled throughout all of Russia. For a long time I was an innkeeper’s servant at Riga, then at Rostock, then Vismar, then Leipzig, then Cassel, then Utrecht, then Leyden, then the Hague, and at Rotterdam. I grew old in the misery of my labor and injury, and my body never truly healed from the imam’s surgery, but I always remembered that I was the daughter of a pope. Many times I wanted to die, but I still maintained a strange love for life. This ridiculous contradiction is perhaps one of the most difficult parts of life: is there anything like carrying a burden constantly when you know you could just put it down? To detest existence and yet cling to it? To embrace the serpent which devours you?

“In the many countries I’ve travelled, and the many inns I’ve worked in, a prodigious number of people have appeared to abhor their existence, yet I’ve never known more than a dozen who’ve voluntarily ended their lives: three negroes⁸, four English, four Genoese, and a German professor named Robeck⁹. I eventually found myself in the servitude of Don Issachar, he placed me beside you, my dear Cunegonde, attaching me to your destiny, and I’ve now spent more time dwelling on your adventures than I have my own. I’ll speak no longer to you of my suffering, and never would have to begin with, had you not piqued my interest, and were it not so natural to tell stories during a voyage to pass the time. Now, mademoiselle, I’ve had many experiences, and I’ve known the world: I’d advise you to converse with all the passengers on this vessel, and to learn their stories. If you find even one of them who hasn’t at times believed himself to be the most miserable of all men, you can throw me headfirst into the sea!”

Translator’s Notes:

1. The practice of castrating boys in order to give them a high-pitched voice was considered very fashionable during this period. These singers, called castrati, were admired for their high pitched yet incredibly strong voices. Sometimes, opera roles originally written for castrati are now performed by women, as castrati no longer exist, for obvious reasons.
2. This is specifically mocking the actions of the King of Portugal during the War of Spanish Succession. Voltaire is mocking here the idea of a united Christendom against the Islamic empires by highlighting the fact that oftentimes, individual rulers went against their supposed Christian brothers in order to further their own political agendas. This rather hypocritical practice was prevalent in the Middle Ages, and continued to be prevalent throughout the early modern period, especially in the guise of Protestants and Catholics attacking one another. Voltaire, who advocated for tolerance, found this behavior appalling.
3. Once again, he laments being a eunuch.
4. Supreme ruler of Algeria during this period, subordinate to the Ottoman Empire.
5. Peter the Great, in 1696, attempted to take the Sea of Azov. Peace was eventually signed in 1711, but was a point of tension and changing treaties for decades afterwards.
6. An elite member of the traditional Russian aristocracy.
7. This is a form of medieval torture which could lead to death. Voltaire is emphasizing how barbaric Eastern Europe was (in his opinion) during this period to still be employing such outdated forms of punishment. The Spanish Inquisition was using similar methods, though.
8. As previously mentioned, this language is outdated and does not reflect my personal opinions. I have maintained the original wording for historical accuracy. See my earlier note for more details.
9. Johan Robeck was a real person, a theologian who wrote a rather strange essay in defense of suicide, then later drowned himself in a river. Voltaire loves to highlight unusual stories such as these.